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Ukki

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(no subject) [Oct. 5th, 2005|05:37 pm]
Ukki
((Ok.. so Ukki's poor and sick and homeless. And this is a picture of him now. A sideways picture.. because, uh... he's so poor... he can't even afford to... stand up... >>...))


This place is a fucking dump. I'm so goddamned bored. I have fucking NOTHING to do. So you know, all that crap... because I'm so bored and shit... that made me decide to get a job. And most people don't think that's interesting, but... you can shut the hell up! Oh yeah... this is gonna be awesome... I'll spit in people's burgers and shit... and get with the sexy co-workers in the freezer room. Yeah. I'm living the fucking <s>American</s>... Konoha dream. I'm so fucking hardcore... I don't need anyone... XD.... yeah, that's it...

... T_T *pulls out his bottle of vodka*
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(no subject) [Sep. 15th, 2005|10:13 pm]
Ukki
[mood |annoyedannoyed]

Oh shit. I haven't heard anything from the crazy sand hag in ages, but I don't know that she's not fucking invisible or something, and she's gonna try and post porn of me online or something. Goddamned ghosts. I hate them more than fucking gypsies!

ah, fuck. I'm just gonna kill the other damn bitch in case. *hauls out the Gypsy!Buster gear*



Oh, and by the way, Kankuro, dude. I don't think it's working out. You obviously can't handle living around a mojo like mine. So I'mma end this for the good of both of us. It was good, kid, but it's a tough world in here, and it'll eat a sweet thing like you alive.
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Damn gypsies... [Sep. 1st, 2005|04:05 pm]
Ukki
[mood |annoyedannoyed]

Hmph. So last night, I was planning to go to Suna... just for a vacation and shit, so I got Jiraiya and his toad to carry me. I was gonna sell my porn for a plane ticket, or something, but Jiraiya's not that fucking bad, and he just took me for free.

>< I got there though, and there was nowhere I could fucking find to stay! So I texted Kankuro, the fucking retard, and he was already back in Konoha, but he told me to find a magic carpet. He said that the shitheads there use gypsies for their magic carpets and that's their god damned transport system or some crap, because they're too stupid to jump through trees... like normal people...

Anyway, while I was talking to him, some old hag came up... couldn't even barely speak right, and she said that she had a magic carpet for me, but only if she could come with. There was no way I wanted to be stuck on a rug with that hag, but I didn't have many options, so I went.

Then when we got to Konoha, the bitch fucking died on me!!! Not before she had to go and land me with a fucking quest, though. I fucking hate gypsies.

Now I have to go kill her sister or that crazy old bitches ghost is gonna be pissing me off forever.

Fucking gypsies.
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(no subject) [Aug. 26th, 2005|01:55 am]
Ukki
[mood |bitchybitchy]

I need a fucking place to stay. The idiot doesn't know how to properly treat a plant with respect! It's like I'm a no-good bum or something going around without a place to stay ><

I thought I'd found someone who could help me out with Kakashithead's place, but THAT didn't end up happening. Jounins are useless.

I think I found another honey though, works at the ramen place, I must have impressed her with my charm and good looks, O ho ho ho! She seems kinda stupid, but none of that matters once you get them in the sack, right?
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I'm back! Hell yeah! [Aug. 24th, 2005|12:17 am]
Ukki
[mood |aggravatedaggravated]

<lj-cut text="((Cut for big pictures))">
So I'm back.

Hmph. I finally got out of that insane pervert Nara's house, and I left to meet someone special that I met through cupid.com.

*rumbles in displeasure* THAT was a fucking waste of time. Don't people understand anything about integrity these days?!? I went to meet "Charlotte", after seeing this gorgeous babe in her user pics:

And this old shithead showed up. I barely got away with my life!

God, I'm almost glad to be back in with all you Konoha bastards. I'm not fucking touching those sites again ever, either. What a bunch of sick mofos.

... >>

*logs into all the personals*
</lj-cut>

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(no subject) [Jul. 30th, 2005|07:30 pm]
Ukki
[mood |curiouscurious]

The Konoha supply of sex slaves is alarmingly depleted. It's so hard to get a good following these days.

I had a conversation with sasori. At first, I thought he'd be rape-worthy, because he's hot. Then I realized he was an idiot. Then, he said some things about love, and I guess now he's not so fucking terrible.

but, anyway, I decided that there might be some advantage to finding someone who have slightly more than concubine status. Because, well, they could command all the other sex slaves for me and stuff. *cough*

so I joined one of those fucking online dating services. They're kind of shitty, I mean, their race specifications suck for specifics... but, well, I thought I'd just put up a profile and let the honeys come to me.

My Profile:

Username: orgasnamic_pimp
Name: Ukki-kun
Sex: Male
Sexuality: Bisexual
Age:45 25
Race: none of the above
Interests: sex, power, porn, gossip, soil, nutrients, sunlight, H to the O
About me: I am the ULTIMATE SEX GOD! That's all you need to know.


Hopefully there won't be too many replies. I don't want to spend to much work picking out whatever freaks there are from the real online sex gold. Seems like I have a enough free time though, while the shithead is still keeping me prisoner.

((*wince* I've never joined an online dating service. Is it obvious? I guess also I didn't want to make it really complicated and long because I'm a lazy ass.))
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PLANTNAPPING! [Jul. 25th, 2005|10:22 pm]
Ukki
[mood |aggravatedaggravated]

THAT NARA PERVERT KID PLANTNAPPED ME!!

That freak thinks he can use me in his plot against Baki or something! I authorize any Baki-killing missions, but this is going TOO FAR! He even tried to MOLEST me, but I fought him off with my 1337 ninja skills.

The little fucker even stole my cell! But I still have my mini laptop. For now. And the phone recovery op will commence as soon as I finish this, and sending out my rescue notices.

SOMEONE HAD BETTER FUCKING RESCUE ME.

LIKE YOU! *points at Hatake* KAKASHITHEAD! GET YOUR ASS IN GEAR!
link14 comments|post comment

Godly proclamation #1 [Jul. 10th, 2005|09:46 pm]
Ukki
[mood |Regal]

Alright, fuckers.

I haven't posted much for a while, but now, I have the basic outline of my religion formed. So you all can expect to be hearing a lot more from me as I start giving you the specifics of how you're to worship me.

So, alrighty. First off, it seems that OTHER one, Baki, has been fairly quiet lately, so you should all fucking forget about him. And the cat! The cat... doesn't fucking exist! IT was a hallucination or something. All those drugs and crap you kids do.

Oh, and also... I'm gonna need some manservants. And Kakashi... really sucks at serving. So I guess I'll need some of ya to move in here and meet my... godly whims.

Sasori...

You don't seem very busy... >.> ... NOT THAT IT MATTERS, FOR I AM GOD, AND YOU BOW BEFORE MY AWESOME GREATNESS.

So, You can be one of my servants. Just no more of that mopey crap. HOLY CRAP his real form is sexy!

As for anyone else... I'll probably need at least 1/2 a dozen servants, so some others can move in to this place until I get the palace done.
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FEAR ME! [Jul. 7th, 2005|01:42 pm]
Ukki
[mood |ecstaticGODLIKE!]

I HAVE THE POWER OF IMMORTALITY!

That fool, Baki, let his secret out, and I was finally blessed with what I should have fucking had all along! I REVEL IN THE POWERS OF THE VIOLET FELINE'S SPRINKLED BLESSING!

HAHAHAHA! NONE OF YOU CAN STOP ME NOW! I WILL MAKE YOU ALL PAY FOR THE WRONGS YOU HAVE DONE TO VEGETATION!

((I'm not stealing special powers for my character. Ukki is just overly willing to listen to his delusions, and apparently Baki's...))
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Damn Quizzes [Jul. 3rd, 2005|10:24 pm]
Ukki
[mood |irritatedirritated]

Those little quiz things. They're the fucking stupidest thing I've ever seen. Unless you're a complete dumbass, (which is entirely possible for most of you people) you should fucking know they're total crap!

If this is fucking technology, I'm glad I can't do anything but im, journal and webcam. Dumbasses...

*mutters* I HATE the end of digimon. SO MUCH! IT MAKES ME WANT TO STAB IT REPEATEDLY!


...


Internet quizzes SUCK ASS!
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